


please don't look at my boner when we fight

by MxBBadperson



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Crimes & Criminals, M/M, Possibly OOC, Suggestive Themes, Supervillains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:29:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27136652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MxBBadperson/pseuds/MxBBadperson
Summary: ‘You see something, hero?’ the criminal asked. The Steel Swordsman shivered. The criminal’s voice was raspy and it went down his spine.
Relationships: Dirk Strider/Karkat Vantas
Kudos: 7





	please don't look at my boner when we fight

Dirk made his way through air in his hoverboard. The sky had darkened and he was still patrolling. Checker City was sprawled out under him, the lights glittered. It was cold up here but he was used to it. His comm beeped. 

‘A robbery is happening at the Galaxy Casino,’ Rose said. 

‘Roger that, Sunbeam,’ Dirk said. Rose sent him the coordinates. ‘Copy,’ Dirk said and turned his hoverboard to face the direction. He sped off towards it. It was time for the Steel Swordsman to work. 

He arrived at Galaxy Casino in several minutes. There were people around the doors. The Steel Swordsman glided down and hopped off his hoverboard. People around him looked amazed. They pointed and whispered. The Steel Swordsman went in, his hoverboard trailing behind him.

Security was running around and shouting. They saw him then led the way. He made his way deeper into the casino, to the vault. The door was open. There was a shout and security guard flew out of the doorway.

The Steel Swordsman turned to a security guard. ‘Get everybody out,’ he ordered. He waited. The security guard talked into their radio and people ran out of the vault. The Steel Swordsman ran forward into the vault. 

Someone turned to him and he stopped. There was a troll in front of him. Elegant curved horns and a silver mask. Wearing a shimmering sleeveless dress with a plunging neckline and slit down a side and elbow length gloves. 

The criminal shifted, putting their hand on their hip. The Steel Swordsman stared at their chest, eyes following the movement. They had nice shoulders. Muscled arms. Cleavage. ‘You see something, hero?’ the criminal asked. The Steel Swordsman shivered. The criminal’s voice was raspy and it went down his spine.

The criminal tilted his head. ‘Well?’ they asked, lifting their chin. ‘Let me see what you got, hero,’ they challenged. They jut out his hip, leg sliding out form the slit. The Steel Swordsman looked at his thigh. That was a very nice thigh. The criminal looked at him considering.

He stepped forward. The Steel Swordsman blinked and his eyes widened behind his visor. The criminal was coming closer and closer. The criminal pressed himself against the Steel Swordsman, hand coming up to rest on his chest. ‘Hey there, hero,‘ he greeted. 

The Steel Swordsman’s eyes widened. His mouth felt dry and his tongue felt heavy. They leaned against him and his hand moved up to rest on his lower back. The criminal was warm and solid. Up close, he could see the shine of their light gray lipstick. 

‘Ooh! Handsy!‘ The criminal said intrigued. The Steel Swordsman turned red and he quickly moved his hand away. The criminal laughed. It wasn’t a bad sound. ‘Cute!‘ They pulled their hand back and punched the Steel Swordsman in the face. 

Pain exploded on the Steel swordsman's cheek. His hand flew down to his katana and he unsheathed it by an inch. He blinked away the spots. He turned to look at the criminal and stepped back. The sickle cut through the air. The Steel Swordsman narrowed his eyes. ‘I won’t go easy on you,’ he declared.

‘So you’ll go hard on me?‘ the criminal asked. ‘I like it hard,‘ they continued. The Steel Swordsman fumbled with his katana. ‘But I like it gentle sometimes. Will you be gentle with me?‘ the criminal asked, advancing. The Steel Swordsman nodded while he unsheathed his katana. He raised it, stepping forward. ‘It’s very big,‘ the criminal said. The Steel Swordsman stumbled. 

The criminal grinned. It was full of sharp teeth. The Steel Swordsman looked at them in surprise. They shot forward, swinging their sickle. The Steel Swordsman brought his katana up. It struck the sickle with a clang. The criminal turned their sickle backwards and swung again. It caught the katana with its curve. They brought their sickle to the side. The katana went helplessly. The criminal stepped forward and so did the Steel Swordsman. 

‘Eager!‘ the criminal said. The Steel Swordsman’s grip on his katana tightened. He jerked his katana and the criminal let go of their sickle. It flew away but neither turned to look at it. The criminal aimed a punch at the Steel Swordsman’s face but he dodged it. The Steel Swordsman swung again. The criminal brought his hand up and the blade hit their forearm. 

The katana cut through the glove’s cloth. It didn’t make a cut on the gray skin. The Steel Swordsman moved his blade back and swung. The criminal stepped back. The Steel Swordsman kept swinging. The criminal brought their hands up shield themselves and dodged. Their mask and their dress shimmered as they moved. It was enchanting. The criminal threw a punch. The Steel Swordsman raised his hand and it landed against the armor on his forearm. 

He moved his arm away. The Steel Swordsman kept swinging. ‘Don’t damage the dress!‘ the criminal snapped. The Steel Swordsman swung his katana. ‘Unless *you* want to see me naked?‘ the criminal asked. 

The Steel Swordsman fumbled and the swing wobbled. The blade stopped. The Steel Swordsman’s eyes widened. The criminal caught the blade of his katana with one hand. The Steel Swordsman tugged on his katana. It didn’t budge. The criminal brought their other hand up and wrapped it around the blade. The criminal looked at him. The Steel Swordsman meet their eyes. 

The criminal bared their teeth. Their hands gripped the blade tightly. They brought their hands down and the blade snapped in half. The Steel Swordsman’s eyes widened, his mouth falling open. 

The criminal dropped their hands. The half of the katana fell to the floor. They stepped forward. The Steel Swordsman couldn’t do anything but look at them helplessly. The criminal punched him in the face and he staggered back. The criminal quickly crouched down, swinging their leg. It collided with the Steel Swordsman’s legs and he fell. 

The Steel Swordsman got onto his hands. He tried to push himself up. The criminal gracefully straightened. They walked to him. They kicked him, flipping him over onto his back. The criminal planted their foot on his chest. The Steel Swordsman fell back with a grunt. He looked at his chest. There was a high-heeled foot on it. 

The criminal looked down at the Steel Swordsman. The Steel Swordsman looked up them. ‘Pathetic,’ the criminal sneered. The Steel Swordsman swallowed. He shouldn’t be feeling aroused by that! ‘Is that the only thing you got, hero?’ the criminal asked mockingly. They dug the balls of their feet onto his chest. ‘You can’t go hard or go gentle. Pretty limp,’ they said. The Steel Swordsman scowled. 

He knocked the criminal’s leg off his chest. The criminal wobbled then fell. The Steel Swordsman got to his knees and lunged at the criminal. He pinned them to the ground. The criminal looked up at him. ‘Ooh, Mr. Hero! Ooh!’ they said breathily. The Steel Swordsman quickly leaned back. The criminal’s hands shot forward. They grabbed the front of his shirt and dragged him down. The Steel Swordsman went, helpless. 

The criminal lifted their head. It cracked against the Steel Swordsman’s forehead. He reeled. The criminal pushed him away and he fell. The criminal straddled got to their knees. They lowered themselves over the Steel Swordsman, straddling him. They leaned down, setting their elbows on his chest and their chin on their palm. 

The Steel Swordsman looked up at them. ‘Aren’t you happy to see me,‘ the criminal said. The Steel Swordsman blushed. He knew what they were feeling. ‘Is it big?‘ the criminal asked intrigued. If it was possible, the Steel Swordsman turned even redder. ‘What? Can’t talk to me?‘ the criminal asked. 

The Steel Swordsman swallowed. He opened his mouth. Nothing came out. He closed his mouth. The criminal grinned. ‘Very cute,’ they said. The Steel Swordsman looked up at them in surprise. ‘Not gonna do anything, hero?‘ the criminal asked. 

The Steel Swordsman raised his hand slowly. He put it on the criminal’s lower back. He flipped them over. He looked into the criminal’s eyes. ‘You don’t have to do this,’ he managed to say. He finally said something! ‘Stop. Come with me,’ he said. 

The criminal looked at him. They threw their head back as they laughed. It was a wonderful sound, even if it was in disbelief. The criminal’s shoulders shook and their hand came up cover their mouth. They stopped laughing, lowering their arm. ‘Sweet,‘ they said mockingly, they set their elbows on the floor and pushed themselves up. 

There was only an inch between their lips and the Steel Swordsman’s. Their lips curled into a smirk. ‘I bet you’d like it if I’d come with you,‘ they said. The Steel Swordsman stared at them. His eyes widened in realization. He turned red. The criminal smirked then gracefully got to their feet. ‘Be seeing you, hero,‘ they said then walked away. The Steel Swordsman quickly got off the floor. He shot forward, grabbing the criminal’s wrist. They turned around. The Steel Swordsman and the criminal stared at each other. The criminal tugged on their arm. They narrowed their eyes. 

They turned to the Steel Swordsman, yanking on their arm. The Steel Swordsman stumbled forwards and the criminal's forearm was across his throat. 'You want it rough that badly?' they growled. The Steel Swordsman shivered. He released the criminal's hand and swung. His fist meet the criminal's face. Their head snapped sideways. They turned to look at the Steel Swordsman. 'So you do want it rough,' they said. 

They stepped forward, swinging. The Steel Swordsman dodged it. His hand shot forward and landed on their stomach. The criminal didn't flinch. They grabbed his wrist and pulled it up. 'What a bad boy,' they mused, 'you should be *punished*.' The Steel Swordsman swallowed. Why did that sound so good? The criminal let go of his arm. He looked at them surprised. They grabbed hold the front of his armor. The criminal lifted him up. 'But not tonight, tonight you're in time out.' They tossed the Steel Swordsman aside. He flew, he landed on the floor and slid away. 

'See you later, hero, hopefully you'll be a *much* better partner then,' the criminal said then walked away. The Steel Swordsman rolled over and pushed himself up, managing to get his feet under him. He slowly stood up. He ran after the criminal. He reached the entrance but there was only the screech of tires and the smell of burnt rubber. The smoke slowly dissipated. 

His hoverboard stopped in front of him. The Steel Swordsman hopped onto it and sped away. The car was gaudy. Gold SUV with flames paint. He chased after it as stayed above it. The car turned through the roads, uncaring if it almost grazed other cars. The car turned into a building parking lot. The Steel Swordsman followed it but no further. The car had disappeared. The Steel Swordsman scowled. He flew around the building for minutes but the car didn't come out. 

The Steel Swordsman laid a finger on his comm. 'Come in Sunbeam,' he called out. 

'What is it?' Sunbeam asked. 

'Keep an eye on this building and put on an alert for a gold SUV with a flame paint job. I lost them,' The Steel Swordsman said. 

'Copy,' Sunbeam replied. She went silent and he could hear the clack of the keyboards. 'They're ready.'

'Good. I'm going back to HQ,' the Steel Swordsman said. He had been patrolling for hours and he finally felt tired. He turned the hoverboard and went towards a skyscraper in the city. He arrived in several minutes. The Steel Swordsman jumped off the hoverboard, landing on the helipad. He picked up his hoverboard then walked towards the rooftop door. He went in the building. The Steel Swordsman walked inside a storage closet and Dirk walked out. He hiked the backpack higher up his shoulder. 

He took an elevator down. Dirk walked out of the building. He crossed the street then picked up a coffee cup from Rose's table. He sipped the coffee. 'An interesting fight today isn't it?' Rose asked. 

Dirk looked at her. He walked away. Rose and her strange vision powers meant that she somehow saw. He won't deal with her questions. Not today and not ever. Rose watched Dirk walk away with no small amount of amusement. She couldn't wait to tell Kanaya about this. Dirk was lost in thought. He just wanted to go home and possibly take a nap. And think more about the criminal.


End file.
